Matzoh and Mistletoe Page 6

  She laughed and ducked her head.

  “You kill me, you know that?” Jeremy’s voice was fierce. He tucked his hand under her chin, forcing her to meet his gaze. “So fucking sweet, and so unaware of the appeal you have to a man like me. To me, period.”

  She blinked. “What do you mean, to a man like you? A cop?”

  He snorted. “No. To a man who craves a submissive woman. A Dom.”

  She narrowed her eyes and raised a brow. “I don’t know what a Dom is, but submissive? I’m no doormat, so don’t even think you can walk all over me. Been there, done that, divorced now.”

  He barked out a rough laugh and pulled her against his chest. “Not what I meant, kitten, and I’m glad to hear it. Nothing sexier than a woman who knows what she wants and refuses to take shit from anyone. By submissive, I meant you like it when I tell you what to do, or when I choose what we do, in a sexual situation.”

  Oh, that. Yes, please. “I’m not sure how I feel about the when I choose what we do part, but I did like it when you asked me to lick you.” She wrapped her arms around his waist and settled closer against him. His heart thudded under her ear, strong and steady. When his hand came up and cupped the back of her head, she sighed. And when his hand wound around her hair and tugged her head back, and his lips stopped just shy of hers, she got wet.

  Very, very wet, and very, very desperate to have his mouth on hers.

  “Please, I...”

  Jeremy pulled back, instead of kissing her. “I didn’t ask you to lick me, did I?”

  She thought about it for a second. No, he’d told her, and she’d been happy to do it, wanted to. “Why did you stop just now?”

  He grinned. “Just showing you what I mean by when I choose what we do. You may want that kiss, but you can’t have it. Not until I say so. And, kitten? You’re beautifully submissive in the way you do what I tell you to do.”

  His words sent a frisson of unease winding through her and suddenly it was all too much. She wrenched herself out of his arms and fled to the sofa, drawing her legs up and curling into a ball in the corner. She wrapped her arms around her legs and set her chin on her knees, trying to get her breathing to calm. She could feel the panic rising, threatening to overwhelm her senses.

  “Bec? What’s wrong? What did I say?” He squatted down beside the sofa, getting eye level with her. He reached out a hand as if to touch her, but he must’ve seen something on her face because he pulled back, his eyes flaring as he dropped his hand. “I think maybe now would be a good time to talk about Sam.”

  She couldn’t hold back the words. “How is this different from what he did to me? That I’m in control attitude...you tell me no, he tells me no. Don’t I get a say in things? Doesn’t what I want matter?” She squeezed her eyes shut.

  He sighed and then she felt the air stir. When she opened her eyes again, he was sitting on the floor against the sofa with his long legs out in front of him, staring at the fire.

  He glanced back over his shoulder at her with a pained look on his face. “I’m sorry, Rebeccah. Maybe this, between us, isn’t such a good idea. I don’t know if I can...this is who I am.”

  Panic of a different kind flooded her system, confusing her even more. “What?”

  He scrubbed a hand over his jaw and shifted sideways so he faced her. “You do get a say, with your safe word and your limits. And you matter. All of you, body, mind, heart, soul. But I’d rather not be with you than hurt you, so maybe it’s time for me to go home. Could be that I want you to be a submissive so badly that I read your body language wrong and I’m seeing what I want to see. Or maybe what Sam did to you stole your trust and you truly can’t see the differences between us. I don’t know, but...” He sighed again, gave a small, sad smile. “I never wanted to hurt you.”

  Her heart clenched. “Jeremy, I...”

  Before she could finish, her phone rang.

  * * *

  Jeremy swore. There was more he wanted to say, but maybe this was a sign to shut the fuck up and give her some damn space. “I should go home.”

  “I—”

  He didn’t want to hear the rest. Today had gone from anticipation to incredible to shit and, selfishly, he didn’t know how much more he could take. He shoved to his feet, realizing belatedly his jeans were still unzipped. He turned away and fixed his clothes while the phone continued to ring. “You should get that.”

  “The machine will. Jeremy, I—”

  Her words were cut off by a low, angry man’s voice. “Pick up the phone. I know you’re there.”

  She made a disbelieving sound and he turned to her. Her eyes were round and her face, which had still been flushed with arousal despite her concerns, was now chalk white.

  It had to be her ex, but before he could ask, the man spoke again, his voice slightly slurred.

  “What you did? That isn’t the way a proper Jewish wife acts, and you know it. Pick up the damn phone, Rebeccah, so we can talk about it.”

  There was a long beat of silence filled with angry male breathing. Becca was twisting her hands in front of her and, if possible, she was curled up even more protectively than she’d been earlier. What the hell?

  “When I get back from New York, I’ll stop by your house. We will talk, Rebeccah. Count on it.” There was an audible click, and the call ended.

  Becca went dead still, then shook her head back and forth in denial.

  Dread pooled in Jeremy’s stomach. He knew that tone of voice, had heard it from men angry enough to do something stupid. “Kitten?”

  “He’s not supposed to know where I live, and I have an unlisted phone number.”

  Fuck. He crouched next to her as he’d done earlier, reaching out to rub her arm, but this time she didn’t look at him warily. He was the lesser of two evils, he guessed, and though the thought made his stomach queasy, Becca was the important one. He tightened his fingers slightly to focus her attention. “Do you have a restraining order against him?”

  She shook her head again. “I didn’t think I needed one.”

  Jeremy wouldn’t bet his life, or hers, on that, but he didn’t share that with her. He’d seen people do heinous things for less significant reasons, but she didn’t need the stress of that. “Do you know what he was talking about? What he meant?”

  She shrugged. “I’m guessing he got the package from my attorney. I met with her earlier in the week and I relinquished all rights to Sam’s house, his savings, anything we had together. And I returned his family’s heirloom jewelry. I wanted a clean break, and I sent that stuff back through my lawyer so he couldn’t find me.” She laughed, but there was no humor in it. “He found me anyway.”

  He wanted to take over, to make this go away for her, both as a cop and as a Dom. But he knew that wouldn’t go over well, so he forced back his personal and professional instincts and settled for a question. “What can I do to help?” She looked conflicted, and he reached out and squeezed her hand. “Bec?”

  She gave a one-shouldered shrug. “There’s nothing to do. I mean, our divorce is final. He just needs to accept it. No one can do that for him, right?”

  There was truth in that statement, but again, he’d seen things during his ten years as a cop that proved life wasn’t always that easy. He didn’t think she expected an answer, though. She’d said the words to convince herself and, after everything else that had gone on today, he didn’t have the heart to correct her. He’d be watching, though, keeping a much closer eye on Becca than he had while she was married. Him, or one of his fellow officers. They knew her. They liked her. They’d understand.

  And he wouldn’t make a mistake with her safety again. Speaking of which...

  He shoved himself to his feet and held out his hand. “Show me around your house, babe. I know he said he’s in New York, but I want to check your doors and windows.” He paused, sucked in a breath and blew it out slowly. He didn’t want to say this next thing, but he needed to. It was the right thing to do, much as it sucked. “Before
I head home.”

  “What if I said I didn’t want you to leave?”

  She looked shocked by her own words, and that’s how he knew he had to go. “You don’t really mean that.”

  To his utter surprise, she shot a glare at him. “I think I know my own mind.”

  “I think you want me to stay because you don’t want to be alone now, not because you want me here. Before Sam interrupted, you called a halt. You might not have said red, but you have to understand where I’m coming from. You’re sending mixed signals, kitten, and that means I need to back off until you decide what you want.” He ran his hand through his hair, scratched the back of his neck. Damned if I do, damned if I don’t. “To be bluntly honest, I’m not sure I can stay here with you tonight without taking you to bed.”

  She blew out a breath even as arousal painted her cheeks pink.

  Jesus, sometimes his moral core was a pain in the ass. He could coax her into bed, he knew it just by looking at her, but that flew in the face of everything he believed in as a Dom, as a cop. Hell, as a man. Consent, period. Especially since what she’d had in her marriage had been anything but.

  Her arousal gave him hope, though, and that he could build on. “C’mon. Let’s check your windows.”

  She stood and placed her hand in his and he squeezed it briefly. “Okay.”

  As they walked from room to room, he learned more about Becca, seeing her personality in each of the rooms. In her kitchen, on a shelf by itself, was a beautiful ceramic menorah. If he remembered, Hanukkah had just finished, so either she hadn’t put it away yet, or she always left it there. In a small bedroom she’d turned into an office, the wall was filled with school photos of what he guessed were her students. A bookshelf filled one entire wall, and it was overflowing. Most of the books were mysteries, and many of them were ones he’d read himself.

  He stopped dead at the threshold of her bedroom. “Christ, kitten.”

  She twisted her hands in front of her. “Too much?”

  The room looked like a sensualist’s dream, and it made his dick hard and his resolve weaken. A huge bed with carved wooden posts dominated a corner of the tiny room. She had it on an angle, pointed toward the east-facing windows. In the morning, sun would slice across the bed, waking her up.

  The walls were a pale green, and the thick comforter that stretched across the bed was a deeper, darker shade of green. A hook in the ceiling—one that gave him some wicked, wicked ideas—held a sheer mass of multi-colored fabric that surrounded the bed. Candles in holders that matched all the colors in the canopy sat on the windowsills and on the table that served as her nightstand.

  The comforter was slightly mussed, as if she’d sat on the bed after she’d made it, and tossed carelessly on it was a scrap of red lace nightgown that made his mouth water.

  He shook his head. “It’s unexpected, but it fits you perfectly. Vibrant, a little wild, sexy as hell.”

  Pleasure danced in her eyes. “It’s my favorite room in the house.”

  The husky tone of her voice punched him low in the gut. He cleared his throat and checked the window, then forced himself to step outside the room before he tumbled her onto the bed and pinned her down so he could make her scream. Focus, dammit.

  After he’d verified that every room was as secure as it could be, he went to Becca, who’d returned to the living room. She stood facing the fireplace, her arms wrapped protectively around her middle.

  He came up behind her, slowly and carefully, and wrapped one arm around her waist, the other across her shoulders. He kissed her temple and she shuddered in his arms. “We’re not done, kitten. I’ve waited a long time for you and I’m not giving up that easily, I promise. School’s on break, right? Do you have plans?”

  “Not really. My parents and my brothers’ families are going skiing tomorrow but I’m not much of a skier so I decided to pass.” She lifted one shoulder in a shrug and his hand slipped, his fingers brushing against her breast. She sucked in a breath and her head thudded back against his shoulder. “Oh, God. Please, Jeremy. Stay.”

  He bit the sweet spot on her neck, then licked it. “I wish I could, babe, but I can’t. I won’t. Not tonight. But I’m off for the next few days, back on duty the day before New Year’s Eve. Will you spend that time with me?”

  Chapter Six

  Becca turned so she faced him, still in the cage of his arms. He looked like he’d rather face an armed gunman than leave, but she could see the determination in his eyes. He’d do it because she wasn’t sure about things with him, because that’s the kind of man he was.

  Nothing like Sam.

  It gave her something to think about. If, for no other reason than that, she was grateful Sam had interrupted them. Sam’s voice on the phone had been harsh, demanding, without an ounce of caring. He hadn’t been that kind of man when they married, and she wished like hell she knew what had changed him, turned him into someone she couldn’t love anymore. These days, Sam wanted what Sam wanted, regardless of her opinion or wishes.

  Jeremy’s voice was heated and sexy, seductive even though he ordered, not asked. Jeremy wanted what was best for her, even if that meant stepping out of the picture. Temporarily, or even permanently. That thought made her gut clench.

  She locked eyes with him, put her hand over his heart. “I’m so sorry.”

  His eyes went soft. “Nothing to be sorry about, kitten.”

  She swallowed. She’d tarred him with the same brush as Sam, but he hadn’t deserved that. And she owed him the explanation. “There is. You heard what I dealt with living with Sam.”

  His face grew hard. “Yes.”

  “And I accused you of treating me like him.”

  He swiped a thumb over her cheek. “I get it, sweetheart. But I want you to take tonight and really think about what happened today. Think over the things we talked about. Think about what turned you on, and what didn’t. I’ll be honest. I’m hoping you want me, dominance and all. I’m headed to a cabin in Shenandoah National Park for a few days, to do some hiking and photography. I wasn’t kidding before. I’d love for you to come with me. But if you can’t, or you won’t, I’ll understand. I won’t like it, but this decision is yours. It has to be. It can’t work any other way.”

  God, could he give her any more proof he was nothing like Sam? She got why he was backing off, giving her space. And she appreciated it more than he could possibly realize, even though she ached to be with him. “Can I let you know in the morning?”

  He kissed the tip of her nose. “Yeah. If you decide to come with me, though, you should know something. I plan on doing wicked things to your body, when I want and how I want. I’ll be the one making those decisions, not you, but whatever I choose, understand that I’ll be acting with your pleasure in mind. But you always have the right to use your safe word to stop whatever we’re doing. Always.” He paused, cupped her chin. “One other thing to think about. I know you’re afraid submitting to me means you’re weak, but you couldn’t be further from the truth. Submission doesn’t mean that, by any stretch. Subs are some of the strongest people I know, both mentally and physically. It takes a person with a backbone of steel to willingly give up control, a huge amount of trust. You walked away from a bad situation, knowing it was bad. You took back your life. You’re that strong, kitten. Not weak. Never weak.”

  She swallowed, his words unsettling her once again. “Okay. I’ll think about it.”

  * * *

  Less than twenty-four hours later, they were in Jeremy’s car, driving toward Shenandoah. This morning, when she’d called him to say she wanted to go with him, he’d told her that the cabin had a small kitchen, and he’d been planning on cooking most of his meals. She’d volunteered some dinners she already had ready in the freezer, and he’d happily agreed. He told her to pack warm clothes and sturdy boots for when they went hiking, but other than that, he hadn’t said much except to tell her he’d pick her up at noon.

  And that he was looking forward to getti
ng her naked.

  Once they’d come through the north park entrance at Front Royal, the tension in the car shot up, but it wasn’t fear as much as anticipation. She slid a glance at him, and he turned to her with an easy smile.

  “We’re staying up at Skyland, which is about another forty miles. The cabins up there are great.” His grin turned downright wicked. “And remote. No one will hear you when I make you scream.”

  She flashed hot all over. “I, uh...”

  He laughed. “Makes you wonder what I have planned for you, doesn’t it?”

  She turned her head and looked out the window at the scenery passing by. “I’ve been wondering that ever since you asked me last night. I can’t decide if coming with you was a good idea or a bad one. I just know I didn’t feel like I had a choice.”

  He didn’t respond but a minute later, he pulled the car into one of the many overlooks scattered throughout the park. “Kitten, look at me.”

  She felt like an idiot then, and didn’t want to look at him. If she did, he’d see the confusion on her face.

  His voice grew sharper, roughly demanding but not cruel, and his hand landed on her shoulder. “Look at me, Becca.”

  Why did that tone of voice make her want to do whatever he told her to? She didn’t know, and that was part of her problem. All she knew was she wanted him to keep talking to her in that low, sexy rumble. She turned her head and was bowled over by the naked longing on his face—and the worry in his eyes.

  “What do you mean, you didn’t feel like you had a choice?”

  She sighed. “Not that you didn’t give me a choice, because obviously you did. And not because I’m worried about Sam, because I’m not. Not really. I just meant that I felt like I had to do this. Like if I didn’t, I’d regret it the rest of my life.” She covered her flaming face. “Gah. I can’t believe I just said that.”

  “I know what you mean.”

  She looked at him warily. “You do?”

  He grimaced. “Kitten, I told you. I’ve wanted you a long fucking time. Never thought I’d get to have you. But you’re not sure you’re willing to give up control to me, which is something I need from the woman I’m involved with. And I don’t know if I can turn my desire for control off, if that’s what you need from me. I can’t be anyone but myself. Just as you can’t be anyone but yourself. But I don’t want to give you up, either. So yeah, I get it.”